bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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