Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
