JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You made out with two different species that night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
