so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
