Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
