I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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