If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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