Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
how does that bad decision feel?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
