Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize