somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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