I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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