Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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