Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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