living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
