Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
