you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
