no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is Oprah even human
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
