Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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