overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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