I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
