Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
