either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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