i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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