Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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