thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
