You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
