Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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