a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
