So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
