It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
