have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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