Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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