I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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