Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
