party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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