Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I party with great urgency now.
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