Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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