he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
