that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
