no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
