I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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