Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
