I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
