You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
