Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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