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The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
