I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm going to jail i love you
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
