she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
