It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
