remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
now i know why i became what i already was.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
