i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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