I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
