i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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