We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
