She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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