K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
