Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
