you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
