From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
