Just took my morning after pill in the library
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
