so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
