The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
