u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
