I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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