Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
