I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
