My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
