Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
