I am spending my child support on dildos
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just invented taco cereal.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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