I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
