Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
