who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
