I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
