my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
