What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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